Raghav is a self-proclaimed gardener. He has a special love for magnolias and gardenias, both with fragrant and cream coloured flowers. The gardenia in his garden suddenly had a bud on it and he was thrilled. He had already told me about it three times since he saw it.
One week went by, two weeks... and by the third week I could see a tiny bit of dullness in his eyes. Maybe a reflection of my own disappointment through his eyes. I was going through some rough patches at work. Honestly, I had not been happy for a while. I asked him why it had not bloomed, since spring was already here.
The thing about Raghav is, I have never seen him show any negative emotions about outcomes. Be it the stock market fluctuations or real estate investment decisions that may have not worked in our favour, Raghav will always smile and hope for things to work out in another way. I on the other hand panic and overthink everything. So, as expected, he smiled at me and gave me a whole list of logical reasons instead. The nights were a bit too cold, the plant was settling after repotting, gardenias are fussy like that. He was so sure. “It will bloom Meera and it will be so beautiful, you’ll see.” he said.
On the fourth week, there it was. A small white petal peeking out. I spotted it at the break of dawn. And I decided not to say anything. Let him find it himself, I thought. He has waited long enough.
I was making tea when he came running in with wide eyes. “Did you see it Meera? It bloomed! ”
That was the day I was particularly irritated about the “results” of a project I was part of for 2 years. Someone had played work politics to get the lead on it and take it to the spotlight. All my work for nothing. But seeing Raghav happy, right then I just decided, okay, for this one moment, I am only going to be happy for the sweet gardener standing in front of me, whom I love. He was like a kid trying to show me a toy, asking me to step outside to smell it. So proud of himself.
I smelled it and made my eyes go wide in recognition of his claim with a typical Indian nod of approval. He copied me with his wide, lotus-like eyes, as if we were a meme on Indian couple stereotypes. More than the flower, Raghav looked divine with the sparkle in his eyes. I have always admired his big, beautiful eyes, second only to his cute, childlike smile. The next day the flower opened fully. I got my phone out to take a picture, and the first thing Raghav said was, “Take it for your prayer.”
Just like that. No “let it stay a little longer,” no “let me enjoy its presence for a few days.” He didn’t even let it sit in the pot for a day. He wanted to offer it to God right then, and he was so happy doing it.
It reminded me of a subhashita I have read somewhere:
परोपकाराय फलन्ति वृक्षाः परोपकाराय वहन्ति नद्यः ।
परोपकाराय दुहन्ति गावः परोपकारार्थमिदं शरीरम् ॥
Trees give fruits to help others. Rivers flow to help others. Cows give milk to feed others. In the same way, this human body should also be used for helping others.
The gardenia never bloomed for itself either, I thought.
That night I kept thinking about it. All those weeks of hoping and watering and making up reasons, and when the flower finally bloomed fully, he let it go in a second. No clinging. I remembered a Gita verse, 4.20:
त्यक्त्वा कर्मफलासङ्गं नित्यतृप्तो निराश्रयः ।
कर्मण्यभिप्रवृत्तोऽपि नैव किञ्चित्करोति सः ॥
Having given up attachment to the results, always content and dependent on nothing, such a person does nothing at all, even while doing everything.
That was him. Raghav.
I thought about my job, about how tightly I’ve been holding on to see the results of many years of work, and how frustrated I was that it was not getting me into the rooms I had been waiting for. It made me think that we only suffer because we are so attached to what the fruits are and how they benefit us. My chest loosened a little and I smiled. I decided then and there to bloom like my husband’s favourite flower.
The next morning, I went out to the garden. There was a second bud on the gardenia, and Raghav was already squatting beside it, looking for caterpillars or anything nasty, talking to himself. Same cycle, all over again. I just smiled and went inside to make another cup of tea for us.
You are becoming more profound by the minute. I love reading your thoughts.
needed to read this today. :)